Visiting Grace

I asked as a joke and received a YES as a blessing. I not only know I am going to be okay, I know I am coming out of the last 30 months of assorted mental health issues a better human.

Last year at this time last year, I broke; All the duct tape came undone and I was left dazed and wandering. My sister Ericka passed away and two weeks later my father Alfred had a major heart attack. These events brought us together but it also showed our family dysfunction.

Well soon after we moved to Ann Arbor; I was 6 weeks pregnant and deep in first trimester slumber. Well since waking up, I have worked hard to get better- to heal/ to become some version of whole for myself, for Matthias, the boys and hence for everyone who loves me.

In May, we planned to take a trip home (to Minneapolis), but the boys were ill and in hindsight I still was not in a good head space. However, since having Owl baby my healing has kicked into turbo. I was able to ask for what I needed and received it with all the grace it carried. I asked Aunt Tracy to visit as a joke and she said yes- what a blessing! So Friday, Aunt Tracy, Aunt Adrienne, Sister Dorian and Nephew CJ came to visit us!

First off, seeing their car pull up sent me into happy shock; I am not out of it yet. We talked until we were tired and our faces ached. Dorian and Tracy called me to task about several topics- I needed it. Adrienne and Tracy reminded me where I got some of my habits from… we all need bumper stickers that say “will break for a sale/deal / thrift store” and another announces that we are “Foodies”; Let’s just say they went through Plum Market like they were in the Smithsonian.

I got to see my skin, size, grace and style reflected in these three women- I did not know how much I missed or needed it.

We held CJ, Thumper and Owl until they could barley breathe. The boys played so hard they could not sleep. CJ and Thumper are so much like Dorian and I it is creepy- they we fighting over cars and I had a Barbie doll flash back. And both of these fearless little boys are scared of the vacuum-LOL.

On Sunday before they left, Dorian scrubbed my floor on hands and knees; you do not know love until someone scrubs your floor without being asked-on hands and knees. We talked for a long time, she told me: to take a deep breath, remember I am not alone, that God is working in my life and finally that I AM A GOOD MOTHER; She might as well of told me I won the lottery.

T-Rex was the ultimate husband: doing things before I could ask, making food and filling glasses. He demonstrated our collective growth by having other plans and outlets so he could stay healthy too. We have learned that just as much as we need each other we need other people too!

Their visit was a powerful reminded that I come from a long line of survivors, from women who have taken on the world and never lost the ability to love with their whole hearts. I feel like I could take down the sun with all the joy I have inside. I know I am not only going to be okay, I know I am coming out of the last 30 months of assorted mental health issues a better human.